


"Happy Little Pill"

by Jagaimo_chan



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Other, References to Depression, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 14:12:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10641519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jagaimo_chan/pseuds/Jagaimo_chan
Summary: What if, only if, Hinata wasn't a ray of sunshine like everyone said he was? What if that all changed one day and he was lost?





	

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't really good and I didn't add much detail because I figured I might not make something more out of this (the idea is somewhat still up in the air). I'm sorry if I have mistakes ...it is 3:30 am and I haven't slept in days so my eyes hurt. Let me know what I can fix and I hop y'all enjoy! 
> 
> ps. Listen to the live version of Happy Little Pill by Troye Sivan while reading this (it's what I was listening to while writing).

Everything felt out of reach for Hinata. No, that wasn’t a joke aimed to the short length of his arms, but he sure as hell wished it was all just a joke. He felt the world slowly start to consume him whole as the days passed by, each feeling longer and longer. Things he had never once thought he could think of were starting to float on the surface of the ocean of thoughts that filled his bright orange haired head. The one place his teammates thought he never used was actually being filled with tainted oil waves of madness.  
He laughed a little at his choice of the word madness. What was madness? Maybe what he felt was so simple and insignificant that he didn’t make the cut to be considered a mad man. That was supposed to comfort him, right? Who really wanted to be considered crazy anyway? He sighed slowly wishing to make these thoughts disappear along with the air escaping his body, but they were still there. He pulled his phone out and looked at the time, it was 3:30pm already. He contemplated calling in and making up some lame excuse, all to skip out on another therapy session and do what he had come to enjoy the most lately, nothing. Yet, he would feel obligated to go to volleyball practice instead. He still loved volleyball but right now he wasn’t exactly, loving volleyball.  
The feeling of not feeling anything while making the ball go woosh filled him with worry. There was nothing in his chest when he spiked that ball but the bounce of a forced heartbeat. Kageyama had notice Hinata’s change and in his own way showed his concern and tried to help. It wasn’t like Hinata didn’t believe Kageyam when he said he was worried about him but it just felt so unreal that someone could actually care for him. It wasn’t just Kageyama he felt this with, it was his family and other friends as well. Hinata wanted to believe them so bad, just oh so bad that he had spent many nights holding back tears of guilt. Everyone seemed to try so hard to show him they loved and cared for him but he felt disconnected from then, from himself.  
Who was he really? Why could he feel so happy and high and mighty, as if no one could stop him. He felt like he could rule the world and accomplish his craziest of dreams. He even told Kageyama that he would stand next to him on the National volleyball team with such confidence that even Kageyama believed him. Yet, in a span of an hour or two he wished that it the volleyball Asahi was spiking would hit him and render him unconscious until he felt the need to live again. Yet, that’s not how life worked, Hinata couldn’t just disappear into nothingness and somewhat feel healed and actually start caring again.  
He was tired, the most he’s been since he’s been alive. He wasn’t enjoying volleyball time with his friends. It didn’t matter how much he faked that oh so bubbly personality or his sunshine radiant smile if the moment he was alone he felt nothing but hatred for who had become.  
“You’re in pain.”  
His therapist acknowledge this and let him pour his life out in that forty-five minute session. Sometimes it made him tired and sad, other times it helped him empty his overflowing depressed self, but it didn’t matter. Hinata wanted answers on how to get better, how to stop being his current self. Sometimes he thought things were working out again but then he would hit a wall, each time higher and higher. In this game of life he was getting blocked with a huge WHAM , regardless of how hard he spiked or how high he spiked.   
“Take this every morning after breakfast.”  
Hinata’s desperate answer came in a small orange bottle with a label that read “Lexapro”. It was five am and he did nothing but stare at the bottle and threw it up and down until he failed to catch it and it hit his face. It hit him just like the clinical diagnosis of mildly severe depression had. What was everyone going to say when they found out, if he could even tell them. Would they act or treat him different? What if they didn’t let him play volleyball anymore, or what if Kageyama didn’t want to hang out with him? What if, what if, what if, what if, all these thoughts raced around his head and soon he was laying down curling himself up. His breathing became heavy and hot underneath the blanket he had hoped would protect him from reality. He couldn’t stop thinking and it was hurting. The “what if” questions soon were replaced with “why” kind of questions. Why was he so useless, weak, stupid, immature, imperfect,short, unattractive, pessimistic, himself? He hated who he had become. Now that he had he answer to change he didn’t want it.  
Hinata didn’t want anyone to find out about the pills or what was actually going on in his head. Everyone would treat him so different and Natsu would be disappointed, like his parents. Kageyama would give up on him because he wasn’t able to fix himself up properly. Hinata had to rely on artificial happiness from a small pill. He was scared it wouldn’t work. Worst of all, he was sacred it would work too well that he wouldn’t be able to live without it.  
The time was now 9:30 pm and Hinata had snuck off to the bathroom leaving everyone behind in the karaoke room.  
“You’ve been in here for 10 minutes Hinata boke! How much longer are you planning to delay your so called “great performance”? Noya senpai and Tanaka said they would skip your song if you didn’t come back quick.”  
“I’ll be right there! I was just reflecting on how happy I am.” Hinata smiled feeling overwhelmed by how much fun he was actually having. A month ago he would have stayed home and done nothing but stare at the ceiling in his dim room. Yet, here he was, hiding the refilled orange bottle in his knitted sweater’s sleeve.   
“You seem happier than this morning.”  
“Because, happiness is too important to only have it once after breakfast.”  
Kageyama gave the oranged boy a look of confusion but was dragged out of the bathroom and into their designated karaoke room. Hinata fought Noya for the microphone arguing that he wasn’t gone for too long.  
“Suga-senpai, what’s the meaning of the song Hinata is singing in Japanese?”  
Suga looked at his kohai as if telling him he needed to start studying English more and looked at the 42 inch TV displaying Hinata’s song of choice.  
“My Happy Little Pill”


End file.
